The Power of Hearing and Understanding: Listening is the Key to Your Success

We’ve all been there. Those moments when you’re juggling dozens of challenges in both your professional and personal life, so you’re no longer hearing the people trying to communicate with you. In other words, in one ear and out the other!

The definition of active listening is just three words: improve mutual understanding. Yet that’s hard to do when you’re feeling scattered, your mind racing in various directions. How will I ever meet that deadline? Why can’t we find a good candidate for that key role? When did it become so hard to communicate with my friend/spouse/partner/family member/all of the above?

If any of this sounds familiar, I’m confident you’ll find this blog post to be particularly helpful. As we jump into our series on active listening, we’ll work our way through HEARD, our acronym for five (5) key active listening tips. First up is “H” which stands for Hear and Understand.

Maybe you’re like me and you want to be the one who truly hears the person across from you, understands what’s being communicated, and then makes a genuine effort to confirm and respond by acting on what you’ve heard. This requires being fully present and listening intently.

The good news? The more intentionality and purpose we put into actively listening, the better we’ll hear and understand. This applies to our work with constituents, colleagues, managers, employees, and even our friends and family. And you know what? When folks are heard and understood, relationships flourish and productive – even magical – connections occur.

Challenge

·      Are you hearing and understanding those around you?

·      What is one example of a time when you’re confident you heard and understood your colleague, boss, constituent, friend or family member? What can you learn from that?

·      How about an example of a time when you didn’t – what can you learn from that experience? And how will you improve for the next time?

Scenario

Angelica is Alexander’s supervisor and he’s been reporting to her for two years.

Just when Angelica begins preparing some thoughts on the subject to share with Alex at their next 1-on-1 meeting, Alex sends her an email asking for a comp day based on the Saturday he worked at an event the previous month. “This is my third email on the subject, and I’ve never received a response from you. May I have a paid day off this month?”

There is much to unpack here. For starters, Angelica needs to counsel Alex on email etiquette – and for that matter, on coming to her face-to-face first vs. sending three emails. That said, Angelica’s lack of responsiveness is a problem. So she makes a great decision: she doesn’t send another email, her next exchange with him is face-to-face, where she prioritizes asking leading questions and then listening closely to his responses over talking.

“First, my apologies for not responding sooner – I somehow missed your first two emails. Let me make sure that I understand what you’re saying: because you worked a full Saturday at the event last month, you’d like to take a full paid day off this month?” Alex says yes, and Angelica recognizes the power of practicing intensive active listening with her team member. Angelica approves the day off and Alex feels heard and understood.

Solution

Clarifying is a crucial element necessary to improve our hearing and understanding, and one of the seven essential active listening elements (we’ll explore the other six in future HEARD posts).

When you clarify, the listener is reassured that you’ve interpreted the information correctly, and doing so provides you with the opportunity to gather more information. In this case, Angelica will collect more intel when she follows up with Alex at their next 1-on-1 meeting when he is rested after taking his well-deserved time off.

Call to Action

Ready for your homework? Over the next month, practice having conversations to improve your active listening with 3 – 4 people in your life. (That’s right, this means carrying out just one purposeful active listening conversation per week for the next four weeks – you can do it!)

These discussions may include constituents, colleagues, donors, and/or anyone else with whom you regularly communicate in your life. Practice framing your conversations in a way that helps you become a better active listener, with a special emphasis on hearing their intent and then clarifying what they said to improve mutual understanding.

After each conversation, ask yourself:

·      Did I ask thoughtful questions with purpose and intentionality?

·      Did I fully hear and understand the other person’s responses to those questions?

·      What’s one area I can improve on?

P.S. The letter H is first and foremost to hear and understand, yet it also represents hope and hello! Active listening gives the receiver hope that the sender has truly heard and understood them. Simultaneously, starting the conversation with a simple hello is a subtle yet powerful way for the sender to slow the moment down and connect more meaningfully with the receiver.

Interested in learning more about active listening? Check out HILT here: www.hazeninc.com/hazen-institute-for-leadership-training.